Navigating Infidelity in Couples Therapy: What to Expect and How to Heal

Should we go to couples therapy after infidelity?

Couples counseling for an affair can help heal so you can build stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

As an experienced marriage therapist specializing in ethical non-monogamy, I understand the complexities and emotional turmoil face while navigating the landscape of non-monogamous partnerships.

In this guide, I’ll tell ya what to expect in couples therapy after infidelity, providing you with the tools, insights, and support needed to rebuild trust, tame jealousy, and embrace love on your terms.

Paige Bond is a Marriage Counselor who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about jealousy, relationship anxiety, and insecurity.

As a jealousy expert, she hopes to help people opening their relationship tame the green eyed monster so they can feel secure and love with ease.

Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to get started today.

Understanding the Aftermath of Infidelity:

Infidelity shakes the very foundation of a relationship, leaving behind a whirlwind of emotions and questions. Imagine Sarah and Alex, a couple who recently discovered infidelity within their non-monogamous dynamic.

Sarah, struggling with feelings of betrayal and insecurity, wonders if she's not enough for Alex. This can look like:

1. "I must not be attractive or desirable enough for Alex to have strayed."

2. "I failed as a partner to fulfill all of Alex's needs, leading to the infidelity."

3. "If I were better in bed or more exciting, Alex wouldn't have been tempted to cheat."

4. "I'm not worthy of love and loyalty; I always end up being let down."

5. "I must have done something wrong to push Alex away and into someone else's arms."

Meanwhile, Alex battles guilt and confusion, questioning their ability to rebuild trust.

1. "I'm a terrible partner for betraying Sarah's trust and causing so much pain."

2. "Sarah will never be able to trust me again, no matter what I do."

3. "I've ruined our relationship and life we built together."

4. "I'm unworthy of forgiveness and don't deserve a second chance."

5. "I'm not capable of being faithful or meeting Sarah's needs."

6. "I can't trust myself to make good decisions in our relationship."

In Polyamory Couples Therapy, I guide them through the complexities of their emotions. Alex’s beliefs reflect the intense guilt, self-doubt, and fear of rejection that they may experience following the affair.

It's crucial to address these beliefs in couples therapy, helping Alex understand the underlying reasons for their actions, develop empathy for their partner's pain, and work towards rebuilding trust through consistent and sincere efforts.

I help them explore the underlying issues that contributed to the infidelity.

Together, we address any people-pleasing tendencies and societal expectations, empowering them to embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery.

What to Expect in Couples Therapy:

Couples therapy provides a safe and judgment-free space for you and your partner to explore the root causes of infidelity and work towards rebuilding a stronger bond.

In our sessions, I like to use elements of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) to facilitate healing. With Sarah and Alex, we start by identifying the emotional triggers that led to the infidelity and the underlying unmet needs.

Through empathic listening and reflection exercises, I help them express their deepest feelings and vulnerabilities. This fosters a sense of safety and connection, allowing them to rebuild trust and intimacy.

The Journey to Healing:

Healing after infidelity requires embracing vulnerability and self-reflection. Sarah and Alex embark on a journey of trust-building exercises, such as implementing daily check-ins and practicing active listening.

I introduce them to the Hold Me Tight® conversation, a key EFT exercise, where they can express their fears, needs, and desires while learning to respond empathically to one another. This exercise helps them:

• rebuild emotional bonds

• validate each other's experiences

• and create a secure attachment.

They discover the power of self-compassion, understanding that healing is a process that takes time and patience.

Some ideas that could cultivate self-compassion might be journaling about their personal growth and identifying any patterns or triggers that arise.

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Embracing Ethical Non-Monogamy:

As millennials navigating ethical non-monogamy, they encounter unique opportunities for personal growth and relationship expansion. Take the example of Jordan and Taylor, a non-monogamous couple who faced infidelity within their relationship. (Something that can be common when boundaries and agreements are violated.)

Jealousy becomes a significant challenge as they explore multiple connections. In our sessions, I teach them EFT techniques to help them navigate and transform jealousy.

We work through the Cycle of Change exercise, where they explore:

• the underlying emotions driving their jealousy

• and identify the attachment fears that surface.

With all that juicy vulnerability goodness, we develop personalized coping strategies and communication tools to address jealousy constructively. As homework, I might assign them the Reconnecting with Reassurance Exercise.

This encourages intentional acts of reconnecting and rebuilding trust, such as planning a date night or engaging in shared activities that promote bonding if they both agree that is something they can do at this point in time.

Conclusion:

Couples therapy after infidelity is a transformative journey that requires commitment, compassion, and the guidance of an empathic professional.

Through our work together, you will gain valuable insights, practical tools, and a renewed sense of hope. By incorporating elements of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), we address the underlying emotional dynamics, foster secure attachment, and rebuild trust.

It's time to shed the weight of past pain and embrace the future with open arms.

Just like Sarah, Alex, Jordan, and Taylor, you too can navigate the complexities of infidelity in an open relationship and unlock the path to love, connection, and fulfillment in your ENM relationships.

Take the first step towards healing and growth by reaching out to me today.

Paige Bond (She/Her)

Paige Bond is a Couples Therapist who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about sexual intimacy and relationship anxiety. She is also:

• the founder of Couples Counseling of Central Florida,

• the host of the Stubborn Love podcast

• and the creator of the Jealousy to Joy Journey to help people pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy.

She’s invested countless hours of hard work and dedication into her therapy practice studying what helps build secure relationships - in monogamous ones and otherwise.