How to Manage Jealousy
It's common for people to feel jealous.
Yet, persistent jealousy in a relationship might be a sign of anxiety or self-esteem issues. According to research, jealousy can grow when your self-esteem is threatened, or you mistake it for envy. However, when handled appropriately, it could help you deepen the connection.
Fortunately, if you, your partner, or both are experiencing jealousy, you can use several practical strategies to help you deal with it. Being open, vulnerable, and truthful with one another is always preferable. But, you need to be open to exploring some of your unspoken desires and developing a more profound feeling of self-confidence. Therefore, to help you out, this article will discuss how to manage jealousy and stop thinking of the worst-case scenario all the time.
Paige Bond is a Marriage Counselor who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about jealousy, relationship anxiety, and insecurity.
As a jealousy expert, she hopes to help people opening their relationship tame the green eyed monster so they can feel secure and love with ease.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to get started today.
Find the root of your jealousy
Whenever you feel jealousy, do you sense anything more profound at play? You could go deeper into the causes of your jealousy after acknowledging that you have a problem with it.
For instance, you may secretly feel unworthy or not good enough, which might cause feelings of jealousy. Furthermore, your personal view of how a relationship should be can fuel your jealousy. For example:
You may think that the presence of your partner's exes in their life threatens your relationship.
Or that if your friends start going out with someone else, they will stop liking you.
You could also be tormented by worries that lead you to think that if those around you succeed, you are inferior to them or your prospects of success aren't as good.
Take a close look at these emotions to make the initial step away from jealousy.
Communicate openly
Discuss jealousy with your partner as soon as possible if anything your partner does toward you or someone else makes you feel jealous. Neither your partner nor the third parties may know how you feel about their conduct if you don’t talk about it 🤷♀️.
Therefore, take the opportunity to talk about any relationship boundaries you may want to reconsider or brainstorm ideas for maintaining a healthy connection between each other. For instance, try to find a few ways you and your partner can work to make things better, especially if you trust your partner but are unsure about the future due to previous relationship failures.
Remember that jealousy will only deepen if you feel anxious about expressing your feelings. Additionally, consider that your partner may have occasionally been jealous of you. It’s not something many people realize.
Work with a relationship therapist to manage your jealousy
Talk about your insecurities
When trying to manage jealousy, looking at yourself is the first step in improving things. So ask yourself:
What fears stand behind your jealous behavior?
Are you questioning yourself because you strive for perfection?
Do you often compare yourself or your relationship to others around you?
However, remember that you are trying to understand your part in the relationship by questioning yourself and not making a list to put yourself down.
At the same time, you can also try to analyze your relationship from an objective point of view.
What causes you to have insecurities about your relationship or your partner?
Is your partner a recovering addict? Then, you should know what to expect or try to be more understanding.
After all, if your partner talked openly about their problem from the beginning and you accepted it, you should understand that your partner is honest and wants to be straight with you from the start. It wouldn’t be fair to them to bring their problem up as your insecurity.
Talk to the right person
Be careful about why, when, and with whom you express your emotions. The last thing you want to do is escalate the situation by talking to the person you believe is to blame for your relationship problems.
Instead, going to the person you are in a relationship with and opening up about your feelings allows you to develop emotional connection and intimacy. Talking about your resentment and desire to get over your jealousy brings to light any unspoken or unfulfilled wishes and, thanks to your openness, helps the relationship grow and heal.
Change the way you look at yourself
Since self-doubt fuels jealousy, boosting your self-esteem will go a long way toward supporting you in controlling your animosity. Therefore, even if it may look challenging initially, try to list three positive aspects of yourself. Trust me! It won't be as awkward as you think.
Furthermore, try adding something new to the list each time you have a jealous thought. You'll not only create a great list of all your most remarkable qualities, but you'll also master the skill of diversion. You will learn to change how jealousy affects you by linking it with a list of positive attributes about yourself.
Learn ten top tricks to tame your jealousy in less time than it takes to spiral into your worst-case-scenario
Manage jealousy with healthy coping skills
Decisions made while temporarily experiencing strong emotions might have adverse effects that persist for a long time. When jealousy spirals out of hand, it can turn into bitterness and rage, which can cause the relationship to deteriorate, which is the exact opposite of what you want to accomplish.
You can reduce the probability of regretting decisions by pausing and calming yourself when overwhelmed. Try doing that by practicing mindfulness, meditation, or deep breathing exercises.
Also, you can talk to someone you trust, exercise, or write in your journal. And, most importantly, if you realize you overreacted, apologize to your partner. Recognizing and admitting your mistakes will take your relationship a long way.
Final thoughts
We all have felt at least a bit jealous in our lives. However, if it helps us focus on who and what we care about, jealousy can become a positive feeling instead of a negative one. You and your relationships don't have to suffer because of it. In truth, jealousy can even help strengthen your relationships. In the end, it all comes down to how you manage jealousy.
Paige Bond (She/Her)
Paige Bond is a Couples Therapist who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about sexual intimacy and relationship anxiety. She is also:
the founder of Couples Counseling of Central Florida,
the host of the Stubborn Love podcast
and the creator of the Jealousy to Joy Journey to help people pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy.
She’s invested countless hours of hard work and dedication into her therapy practice studying what helps build secure relationships - in monogamous ones and otherwise.
