How to Apologize and Repair with Your Partner
A couple leaning against each other and looking at the sunset after learning how to apologize and repair with your partner
You and your partner have had a nasty fight. And in the moment of heat, you’ve said words you didn’t actually mean. Or maybe it wasn’t the words that hurt them, but rather your actions leading up to a fight. Actions that you regret. But what’s done is done, and there’s no taking them back.
Now, by the looks of things or your significant other’s reaction, it might seem as if the damage you caused to your relationship is irreparable. The good news is that, in most cases, mending it is possible. Of course, this implies you know how to apologize and repair with your partner. If saying sorry isn’t something you are familiar with, get over your pride first. Then, follow the apology guide for you below.
Paige Bond is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about jealousy, anxiety, and insecurity.
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Steps to Take When Trying to Apologize and Repair with Your Partner
Disagreements are a normal component of every healthy relationship. But while it's normal for couples to argue and figure things out together occasionally, they must also learn to apologize and mend fences when things go wrong.
#1 Acknowledge Your Mistake and Apologize Sincerely
Admitting fault and showing genuine regret is essential to beginning the process of mending a broken relationship. This involves admitting that what you have done or said was wrong and accepting the consequences for your behavior. In no way should you try to justify your actions or place the blame on your partner. Instead, you should work on saying you’re sorry and making amends.
For instance, let’s say that you and your significant other had planned to go out on a date, but you ended up getting caught up in work and forgot about it. They have waited for you for hours, but since you failed to show up, they got angry and ended up feeling lonely and unloved. While it’s acceptable to say things like “I’m sorry,” and “I apologize for missing our date,” you should go the extra mile to acknowledge that the mistake was yours. A couple of more suitable responses would be:
● I should have been more mindful of how important this was to you.
● I am sorry for the pain I caused you; please allow me to make amends.
● What about rescheduling and having a romantic evening together?
#2 Listen to Your Partner’s Perspective
Once you have apologized, it’s time to give your partner a chance to explain their side of the story. This means you’ll have to carefully listen to what they have to say without interrupting them or taking an offensive stance. After they are finished, demonstrate that you have understood their point of view by employing reflective listening strategies like paraphrasing and summarizing.
Your partner may tell you they felt disrespected and hurt by your forgetfulness, causing them to question how worthy being in a relationship with you is. In this situation, an appropriate response would be, “I am sorry if my behavior caused you pain. I realize what I have done wrong. What can I do to make things better?”
#3 Take Action to Make Things Right
Now that you have acknowledged your wrongdoings and have seen things from your partner’s perspective, it’s time to take action to make things right. This can include anything from making a sincere effort to change your behavior, making amends for the harm you have caused, or finding a way to compromise with your loved one. Remember that you’ll need to be specific about the course of action you will take. And lastly, to actually apologize and repair with your partner, you’ll need to follow through on your promises. Otherwise, this whole effort will have been for nothing.
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#4 Give Your Partner Time and Space
No matter how much you’d like to mend a relationship overnight, unfortunately, this is something that will take time. Before they have forgiven you, it’s likely that your partner will first need to process their own emotions and come to terms with what happened. Show them you respect them and their need for privacy, and refrain from pressuring them to forgive you before they are ready.
In marriage, in particular, it’s necessary that you have your own space in the form of “his and hers” self-storage. Separate storage space for your belongings, but also separate physical space that one can go to when the need to be alone arises. Let your spouse go to that space and remain there however long they want to without you barging in. Rest assured; they will come to you when they feel it is the time to do so.
#5 Communicate Openly and Honestly
Throughout the process of fixing your relationship, you and your partner will need to work on your communication. What this means is that you’ll need to be 100% transparent about your thoughts and feelings. Tell them about your day, worries, needs, and boundaries. And whether you like it or not, it’s also possible that you’ll need to learn to compromise in order to find a solution that works for both of you.
#6 Seek Outside Help if Needed
Sometimes, more than just your own efforts are needed to fix a broken relationship. If you and your spouse are having trouble working through your differences, communicating clearly, or getting past specific obstacles, it may be beneficial to seek outside assistance. Many options are available, including professional counseling for couples or individuals, relationship coaching, or simply venting to a close friend or family member. The third party may be more objective and could, thus, provide valuable advice on improving your love life.
Final Words on Apologizing Effectively
At first, it will probably seem like you will never be able to apologize and repair with your partner. But soon enough, you’ll realize that by admitting fault, listening to what your loved one has to say, making amends, and communicating openly, your relationship will gradually go to its previous, happy state. We won’t lie. Working things through will take time, effort, and an incredible amount of patience. However, wouldn’t you say that the benefits of a healthy, loving partnership are well worth the investment?
If you’re struggling with making amends to your partner, reach out today to heal your relationship.
Paige Bond is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing near Windermere, FL who specializes in helping individuals, couples, and ENM relationships with concerns about sexual intimacy and relationship anxiety/insecurity. She is also:
the founder of Couples Counseling of Central Florida,
the host of the Stubborn Love podcast
and the creator of the Jealousy to Joy Journey to help people pleasing millennials navigate non-monogamy.
She’s invested countless hours of hard work and dedication into her therapy practice studying what helps build secure relationships - in monogamous ones and otherwise.
